I've made one of those Mature Decisions my mother finds so admirable. Still feel like a bitch, though, but only a little.

Condescension and affectation. These are two things I can't stand. I really tried to get past it. But when I met Adrian a second time, when we were supposed to kiss, this time I'd been happily sick with worry about, I just. Couldn't. Do. It. He was treating me like someone half his age, not 2 years younger. In person, I could no longer ignore the aspects of him that annoy the hell out of me. I don't want to get emotionally entangled so soon, especially not with someone who didn't care about me, particularly, just that I was "suitable": relatively intelligent (though I know he didn't think I was as smart as him), available, "amusing" (he said I have a "sparkly" personality, that I'm bubbly- which was sort of flattering), and, most of all, there.

I knew I had made the right decision when he patted me on the shoulder and said "You go have fun now," when I, almost in tears, explained how sorry I was. Like, EW. (Valley girl moment, I'm sorry.)

This shows what low standards I've developed for my own behavior: I'm rather proud I overrode that "MUST HAVE RELATIONSHIP" impulse. Honestly, it would have been awful. I have enough of a tendency for pointless drama in relationships without getting together with someone who would indulge and probably outdo me. I don't need a man described by his friends as an "emotional basketcase."

I have a lovely feeling of utter freedom right now. I'm almost 16, single by choice, and it's summer time. I don't have much to complain about. :)

(Title inspired by the ever-eloquent New York, professional reality TV star and ruler of all she surveys.)
WARNING: FOLLOWING SECTION RAMBLY, POINTLESS, AND DEVOID OF SHAUDENFREUDE
Ah, trashy VH1 reality shows. How would my sister survive without them? What's the state of American television? Are we the New Rome?* Will Flava Flav ever find love?

*The answer is, by the way, "no", regardless of Pat Buchanan's belief that the Mexicans are the new Visigoths. Personally, I find the desire to work for a living far less threatening than the desire to rape and pillage, but I'm not on TV.

I only like Project Runway and maybe sometimes America's Next Top Model. And that's 100% pure class. Ms. J wears very conservative sweaters, after all, and Tyra Banks, in a remarkable show of restraint and discretion, has yet to unhinge her jaws and swallow any of the models. And Project Runway has Tim Gunn, who is the classiest person ever to walk the planet and blesses us all with his silver-haired grace. So there.

Also, Anderson Cooper. What is his mysterious but obvious relationship to the magnificent Tim Gunn? Younger, emo-er clone? Secret love-child? Soul-mate? This is a matter of pressing importance.
END HAZARDOUS AREA

Anyway, I'm pleasantly lonely, pensive, and, luckily, in one of the non-emo segments of my day. So here are some disorganized and incoherent musings.

1. Even if it was in her will, it is still really, deeply wierd having the body of an ex-principal in the school's audiotorium.
2. Lake Brantley's campus makes me feel a little Marxist. This deeply shames me, because, as we all learn in Eissler's class, Communism is for idiots.
3. I probably should stop talking to my ex-boyfriend about how bad I feel because he's my ex-boyfriend, especially at lunch.
4. I am stupid for not realizing that earlier.
5. Especially when I kept walking into Langfield's class crying.
6. I often feel like no one will ever love me again, and know that's normal, which is pretty damn sick, if you ask me. We are a profoundly stupid species, me being an excellent example.
7. My mom has given ne a print-out of eHarmony's checklist for qualities you must have/can't stand in a BF so I'll "have a better idea of what I want". That was sweet of her, but it's not exactly as though people are lining up and I need a screening process.
8. I think I've managed to depress myself again. I'm getting good at it.
9. Okay, happy thought to end this. Amier and I reintroduced Mrs. Morgan to xkcd. She is utterly worthy to witness its brilliance.
10. http://xkcd.com/c235.html. Mouse over:"It's easy to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didn't have."
Someone understands, and, appropriately enough, I was too shy to email him and tell him so.

In Puerto Rico with little sister, staying with my aunt's family. (:
It's lovely.
( Me being literary. TL;DR all the way, folks. Don't say I didn't warn you. Loneliness makes me a little too eager to express myself. )

Tommorrow we're going to the beach! X3 I'm having a really great time, though in the idle parts I've been a little lonely (little sister hangs out with our cousin around her age; I'm a bit too shy around aunt&uncle still, so I mostly read) especially since I'm restricted, thanks to roaming charges, only 1 call every other day to Marco. I want to tell him everything, and for him to do the same. (It's strange to me how I can miss him without being miserable or anxious. Strange, new, and wonderful.)
But tommorrow's that every other day, and I have lots to say. <3
Anyway, if you want to talk to me this week, I can always correspond through LJ/Gaia Mail/Myspace, so leave me a note here if you want to talk. I'd be very happy if you did!

So.
The Ms. Bonjione community.
I don't know if Amier was joking, but I like the idea.
What would it be called?
bonjiogaaaa? bonjionekun? arabsofcrete? thebrideofdomokun? gdmcdonaldslady? islamicspeakersfederation?
Suggestions, please.

I, at least, had a great time at the anime club Halloween party last night, despite the copious amounts of angsty nonsensical (at least from what little I know about what was going on) drama-from-hell. And Philip using me as a human shield, throwing me at Amier, and then dripping soda on me. D< The last part was accidental, but still. (Fear the rage of Kit! 5'0" and 95 lbs of pure ANGER!) I was collateral damage in his (successful, in the end) attempt to get the airsoft gun away from Amier. ; ;
So basically the party was total anarchy, in a good way. It was quite an accomplishment, given the small number of people who showed up. I'm proud of us.


Oh, and happy Guy Fawkes Day!
Go abuse effigies of Catholics.
Or speak in alliteration and overthrow the government. Whatever works.

I finally joined the MySpace horde.
Baaaaa.
Add me, for I am currently losing at the internet. ):

Since I haven't updated in, oh, six bajillion years or thereabouts, and I don't want to make my chem cheat sheet at the moment... I'm updating! Woo. So, um, I've been sorta emo, on and off, minute by minute, bla bla bla bla... but now, at least today and most of last weekend, I think I'm at a sort of secure, solid state. I have my footing. The same feelings are there, but now I know where I stand now. I'm not drowning in angst or free-falling with hope. I don't know how long this feeling will last, but it's nice. So, um, yes. Yay. I finally can stop feeling guilty for being all mopey and bugging everyone with my emo spasms.

Since I have no earth-shattering revelations or particularly interesting things to say, please direct your eyes to the video below.


^This one right here.

See it? Good. That box, right there, is full of freedom.

FREEDOM.

Mech-stomping, engrish-speaking, evil-laughing, tea-drinking freedom. And you love freedom, don't you? Freedom fries. Freedom toast. Freedom kissing. So you better click that play button. You wouldn't want anyone to think you didn't like freedom, would you?

I wouldn't.

I really wouldn't.

At least go to the 3 minute mark, or thereabouts, and watch the "DNN" news report. It's totally worth it.

Nnn. Edited my last entry, 'cause it was stupid and too long, and I figured that no one's going to buy the I'm-not-emo-really-so-stop-asking thing if I lay it on THAT thick.

Plus, it was sort of a lie anyway. I did have a lot of fun on Saturday, and a bunch of other times recently (like at Sixto&Meli's house last weekend), but yeah, I have been unhappy lately (though not most of the time; the sadness just ambushes me sometimes, and before I know it I'm sitting on the sidewalk during lunch, feeling like I'm going to cry and being pissed at myself for being so immature). In a nutshell, I'm being irrational, self-centered, selfish, and teenaged, so there's nothing to worry about. I'll get over it, hopefully soon. I feel so embarassed when I see people look concerned on my behalf over something I know is so petty. Thanks to everyone for being so sweet!

BTW: I'm sneezing impressively and running a fever, so I won't be at school tommorrow, if only because I don't have the energy to do my homework right now. Ha ha.
ALSO BTW: My internet window "encounters a problem" almost every time I open my friends page. Does anyone else have this problem, or does my comp hate me especially?

Yesterday (Saturday) was probably the best day of the school year so far. *heart*

It was indescribably nice to feel like I was an actual accepted (even, shock, LIKED) member of a group. When I got home, I realized that I probably would have been terrified by the idea of what happened 24 hours before (a day out? With PEOPLE? Some of whom I DON'T KNOW THAT WELL?!). But I didn't wilt/melt/explode from terror, and, though I know it's kinda stupid and really lame, I'm proud of me.

Also, I feel like I owe this thing a cheerful post since I've been neglecting it lately. (And I want to prove to everyone that I have not been in constant state of emo, really. So please don't ask. It's sorta embarrassing.)

*Or so my mom claims. I just chose those most irrelevant thing I could think of, because I'm getting tired of using random song lyrics.

Pessimists are always either right or pleasantly surprised.

Every now and then I fall head over heels in love with a CD. And oh, how I love my brand new Neko Case CD. I think I must have listened to it ten times all the way through since I got it on Sunday. (The subject line comes from one of my favorite songs on it, Star Witness. Really, though, the whole song is wonderful. Just thinking about it tempts me to write the whole thing out right now. I won't, though. I'm not that much of a flake, I hope.
Did I mention how lovely Neko Case's voice is? When I sing along, I make sure I sing quietly that I can't hear myself [okay, and so that no one else hears either].)

I feel like it's a little strange that I, being an idiot teenager, love the CD so much. The music is wistful and regretful, something only a real adult could sing, with this sort of distance from emotions that makes them so much more heart-wrenching. I don't know why I'm always so attracted to that sort of tone, because I don't think I can understand it yet. It probably says something about me, but I really don't know what it is. I'm not allowing myself any introspection at the moment, because it's been making me too unhappy lately. Everyone is so much nicer to me than I am.

Oh yeah! First week of school. Hmm... Well, I suppose it's gone well so far. I got all my work done, and it's nice seeing all the people I missed again, of course, and my fixed schedule is much better than the old one. There's not much to say, I don't think. There are some people around who I'd rather not deal with (or, more accurately, whose existence I would rather not be confronted with every day), but that's not abnormal. So far, pretty good.

My New (School) Year resolutions are as follows:
1. Think more with my brain.
2. Don't procrastinate any more (I make this one every year).

Amier and I are no longer dating. I'm trying to follow his example, somehow, and be as mature about this as possible, so no long entries on it. I just want people to know so I won't have to explain it at school. It was a very kind break-up. No drama.
Sorry for spamming your friends lists.

As I suppose everyone knows by now, a week ago exactly I returned safely from St. Augustine with my nii-san. (You can shoot me for that before he does. I've recently discovered that I can do an excellent, if I do say so myself, obnoxious/perky lolibait harem anime girl impression. [I'd rather not contemplate what the implications of that may be, by the way.] I just wanted to see how well it translated over the internet. I think it needs more sideways kitty smilies and exclamation points.)
St. Augustine is awesome. Daniel and I must've walked at least 50 miles on a ghost tour/touristy wandering/our quest to take a photo of a very odd sign in the window of an otherwise mundane hardware store. I'll post some pics tommorrow.

Of course, last week was a little bit of a letdown after the only actually-leaving-town section of my summer vacation. However, Tiffany did come over on Thursday, which was wonderful. She brought Katamari Damacy. It is so wonderful, yet I suck so horribly. The King of Cosmos is a cruel mistress (master?). Of course, we also gossiped and pitied each others' loss of certain people to the evils of vacation. It was lovely and relaxing.
Of course, immediately on my mom's arrival home, my little sister reported in a scndalized tone that "Kit's friend has a NOSE RING." I think she was disappointed by my mom's total lack of reaction.

I think the only large cloud on my general happiness right now is how much I miss Amier. There's really nothing either of us can do about it, but I keep getting spells of mopiness, and often I end babbling to Daniel about it and feeling horribly embaressed and selfish afterwards. It's like complaining about having a sprained wrist to some one who's an amputee. The only things that make me feel better about bugging him like that are that a) he's usually playing Guild Wars while we're talking and is only half paying attention and b) I don't write awful poems about it.

That Friday, my little sister, mom, and I went to Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and the Lake Mary 8. That was the first I've ever seen a full theater at the Lake Mary 8. It's the power of Captain Jack Sparrow; it's saying something that my mom squeals over him as much as I do. The movie reduced me to drooling fangirl glee through the combined factors of wonderfully, unabashedly ridiculous stunts/FX and, obviously, Jack Sparrow. In addition, Will Turner was actually cool in this movie. I don't want to spoil anything, but I will say that THERE IS A THREEWAY SWORDFIGHT. ON A WATERWHEEL. ROLLING THROUGH THE WOODS. WHICH IS BEING CHASED BY UNDEAD FISHMUTANT PIRATES.
Also, tee hee, Elizabeth loves Jaaaack~. Or just really wants to rip his clothes off and jump him. She probably wouldn't even make him bath first.

On Saturday, I was dragged to the 14th Annual Celebrity Mascot Games. It was probably the most surreal experience of my life so far, including things I've seen at Jacon. The basic premise is that four teams of mascots compete in four bizarre games I think may be lifted from the most sadistic of Japanese gameshows. One game lead to an all-out brawl between a sore loser and the winner, both of them supported by teammates. I guess they should be grateful that those suits really cushion punches.
The best part was that it was sponsored by the Pirate Adventure dinner theater, so there were plenty of men in pirate costumes made of the cheapest fabric you can buy at Joanne's, the kind that gets used for the Halloween costumes of elementary school kids. I'd say that, in terms of classiness and sophistication in central Florida, the 14th Annual Celebrity Mascot Games ranks somewhere between school bus racing and Dolly Parton's Dixie Round-Up. Of course, my mtoher wants to take us to the school bus races next.
The punchline is that my mom's boyfriend treated us all to a late night snack at Krystal Burger afterwards.

Nothing much has happened since then, except that I went over to Daniel's house today and watched all 13 episodes of Magical Shopping Arcade Abenonashi. I adored it. I has wonderful, totally appropriate art and animation, hilarious parodies (and personally I thought that the characters' dialogue and personalities were just as funny- a lot of the humor comes from acting like just what they are, 12 year old Osakan kids), and true, unpretentious thoughtfulness that sneaks up on you. It's one of the most bizarre, original, and truly honest (in its own odd way) coming of age stories I've ever seen.

Odds and ends:
I'm in an oddly cheerful mood. Today was nice, of course, but I keep getting the urge to sing out loud, which is about as frequent for me as the urge to, say, crash into walls for fun. I can't anymore, sadly; my mom and sister are home again and I have absolutely no musical talent whatsoever.

Woo! I actually started an online summer course assignment before Sunday (the day they're due, of course)! Well, it's like a paragraph of description, but that's progress, right? I'm so proud of myself I'm giving me the rest of the night off.

This Monday I began volunteering at a summer school class for kids going into 1st or 2nd grade (some of them are high-functioning autistic, some are SLD, some just need a little help). It's a cute overload EVERY DAY since, which really makes up for the fact that I'm now waking up at 7 (4 hours earlier than the time I had been previously). They call me "Miss Kit".

MISS KIT.

As in, "Miss Kit, how do you spell October?" and "Miss Kit, James spit on me!" and "Miss Kit, can I have one more sticker? Okay, one more. One more." I help them read, usually, but today I supervised an arts and crafts activity that lead to a power struggle between me and a 1st grader over stickers. I won. Yeah baby.
So, children whose names I can actually remember!
Sabrina and Sydney: Adorable blond haired, brown eyed twins with exactly matching tans. They kindly wear different types of shoes so everyone can tell them apart.
Trademark quote: "How old are you? Can you drive yet? My older sister still can't drive, and she's ELEVEN!"

Tabitha: Sort of a tattle-tale, but still sweet. Today she played house with one of the twins, wearing a plastic crown. I think she was a ballet dancer. Sydney/Sabrina was a housewife (wearing a slip she described as a "pretty dress"), and one boy who gradually got bored with the whole thing wore two vests and a ship captain's hat.
Trademark quote: "This is an engagement ring from a boy in New York. I'm getting married when I'm nine."

Kevin: My opponent in the sticker war. He has an oddly cute super-hick Southern accent, and (of course) owns 4 pitbulls. Nonetheless, he once held the door open for me. He is a complicated character. His dark side tends to be enhanced around his best friend Marshall (as is Marshall's around him).

Anyway, more tommorrow, maybe, 'cause mom's going to kick me off to bed soon.

In other news:
*My bike is trying to kill me.
*I get to go to St. Augustine with Daniel over the 4th of July weekend! I am going to drag him to the shrunken head museum.
*My little sister and I wrecked havoc the Home Depot nursery. Ah, bonding.
*Also, Canada has released Amier. With pretty butterfly pictures! Yay! I knew Canada couldn't be evil.

Ack! I was going to update right when I got on, but I procrastinated and now I only have a few minutes until the clock strikes twelve and my coach turns into a pumpkin, and I am once again left in rags have to go to bed! So, a super quick bones only update!
*Jeff's party was really, really fun! And I give two thumbs up to the drama, comedy and romance of The Tiffy and Sixto Show. *lame*
*My actual week was boring and a little lonely. I daydreamed a lot.
*Children are evil.
*Rachel's party was also fun! But I felt shy, got flustered and wilted (as usual). Her crowd is a little intimidating to me in general. So many outgoing, social, musical-loving people!
*Random trivia: Joe has the "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" OST on his ipod. This is awesome.
*I may get to go on a date Sunday. *heart*

Ack! I'm so jealous. Tiffany sent me a link to Webboy's (Philip? Not sure what I'm supposed to call him, since I don't really know him or any of those cosmopolitan upperclassmen he consorts with) posts about his trip to Japan. It's so amazing! They actually wear those uniforms! And have those beautiful gardens! And temples! And oh god, piles and piles of Bleach and FMA and Death Note manga and merchandise! And entire floors of yaoi! God! I'd never want to live there, but it looks so lovely for a visit. I've only ever been to Canada.

Anyway, I've been getting sort of lonely lately, to the point of having weird dreams in which I'm back at school and can see everyone again (the dreams always end before I actually have to go to class, of course). Last night, though, I got to see (almost) everyone again, and it was such a relief. I didn't think I would miss all the yelling, gossiping, fanbabbling, and perverted jokes so much. I've been calling myself a loner for years now, but I think I have to accept that I was only trying to make the fact that I was shy to the point of freakishness seem badass and purposeful. :P I'm getting better (in the immortal words of Monty Python)!
I loved my (second) party (mom capped how many people I could invite, so I sorta had 2). It was very casual but not calm (how could it be, with the people who came?!), which was great. I got pretty jewelry, gift cards, manga, sweet cards, and a very... special packet of pictures. Mwahahahaha. Just seeing everyone was the best part.

I miss Amier, though. I guess I'm just incurably lame.

I have survived for 15 years, "Gloria" is on the radio, and all is right with the world.

(Err, sorry for spamming all of ya'lls' f-lists. I just felt I should record this moment.)

I am officially no longer a freshman. It's a little anti-climatic, actually. It's like I'm little again and expecting that I'll transcend to a shiny new level of existence the second I turn another year older. Of course, birthdays (or graduations) are only full of revelations in books that include glossaries of characters with names like "Zixiayanxia the Elf Pirate Queen". I'm still waiting for some guy to show up and tell me I have to use my newly discovered magic powers to save the world (or *a* world, at least). I would totally be up to it, especially if I got a harem of attractive but emotionally damaged bodyguards.
...Yay for irrelevant tangents! Sometimes I feel as though I'm obligated to balance out anything vaguely serious I say with something silly and random. Especially when I'm trying to talk about how I feel about someone or something. That's why I hate signing yearbooks: the more the person means to me, the harder it is to figure out what to write. Of course, I usually settle for inside jokes. Somewhere along the line you learn that directly telling a friend how much you care for them is strange and childish. I think, though, that it's sometimes worth it to break that taboo, even if you have to sit through a little bit of Ackward Silence afterwards.
See, of course I can *type* all of that, but next time I get an opportunity... it's probably going to be something like "Don't die, you owe me money" or "You just want my body" instead of "Stay safe" or "I'll miss you" or "I love you too".

And to keep up with the ratio of serious babble to silliness...

I'm starting a meme! I don't think you need a degree to do it, so why not? I was talking to Tiffany about it on the bus, and I don't think anyone has done something exactly like it before, so let's pretend we all believe in reincarnation aaaand...

Reply to this post stating what/who you think I was in a past life, and I'll tell you the same. Then repost this on your own journal. You don't want bad karma, do you?

But I probably will take a while to get back to anyone who posts, since my Crazy Grandma (as opposed to my Nice Italian Grandma) is going to be here imminently. ; ; Save meeeeeeeee.

Overall, this was a very very very (etc.) stressful week, but right now I'm doing better. I feel very empty right now, but in a good way- probably what you could describe as peaceful. No confusion, no doubts, nothing. It's lovely. I've had a hum of unhappiness in the background of my mind all week, and the chances are that (if you're bothering to read this) I've exploded all over you into a flood of depression and babbling at least once in the past seven days. If so, THANK YOU SO MUCH for putting up with it, distracting me, and being so wonderful and sweet in general. I LOVE EVERYONE!*
*Offer not applicable in all cases.

In other news: I have a "Bohemian Rhapsody" ringtone now!
Also, I just rewatched the Snakes on a Plane trailer. It is a thing of great and terrible beauty. I don't feel qualified to describe its splendor. (Except to say that Samuel L. Jackson totally hits a guy in the face with a snake.) JUST WATCH IT.
EDIT: Also also! It is only eleven, and mom is making me go to bed. *is oppressed, woe* Wah.

Ah, Beta Chi banquet. Proof that, given the chance, IB kids, the pride and FCAT-booster of Seminole High school are, in fact, HORRIBLE HORRIBLE sluts. And the food wasn't nearly as awful as I was expecting! (Of course, Mrs. Meahl gave us the impression that it was just short of toxic waste, so uh.) And they gave us glowsticks! And the seniors made a music video about IB set to "Bohemian Rhapsody"! And Chloe&Marco&Chelsey&Amier were wonderful as usual! And I (surprise, surprise) won "Freshman Female Most Likely to Speak in Iambic Pentameter"! (The prize that went along with it was a Bush minion's autobiography. I told Mrs. Meahl that she has a very sick sense of humor.)

The rest of the night was a mixture of overwhelming joy and utter confusion (a.k.a. "me generally being cowardly and calling it confusion"). If I had to express it in AIM-speak, I'd say it was "OMGWTFBBQ X333333". Perhaps with more than 6 "3"s, and the "OMGWTFBBQ" in 60 point red font. Bolded. And italicized.
I can't think of one word to express the mixture of happiness, shock, and worry I'm feeling right now, so let's go with "hopeful".