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I've made one of those Mature Decisions my mother finds so admirable. Still feel like a bitch, though, but only a little.

Condescension and affectation. These are two things I can't stand. I really tried to get past it. But when I met Adrian a second time, when we were supposed to kiss, this time I'd been happily sick with worry about, I just. Couldn't. Do. It. He was treating me like someone half his age, not 2 years younger. In person, I could no longer ignore the aspects of him that annoy the hell out of me. I don't want to get emotionally entangled so soon, especially not with someone who didn't care about me, particularly, just that I was "suitable": relatively intelligent (though I know he didn't think I was as smart as him), available, "amusing" (he said I have a "sparkly" personality, that I'm bubbly- which was sort of flattering), and, most of all, there.

I knew I had made the right decision when he patted me on the shoulder and said "You go have fun now," when I, almost in tears, explained how sorry I was. Like, EW. (Valley girl moment, I'm sorry.)

This shows what low standards I've developed for my own behavior: I'm rather proud I overrode that "MUST HAVE RELATIONSHIP" impulse. Honestly, it would have been awful. I have enough of a tendency for pointless drama in relationships without getting together with someone who would indulge and probably outdo me. I don't need a man described by his friends as an "emotional basketcase."

I have a lovely feeling of utter freedom right now. I'm almost 16, single by choice, and it's summer time. I don't have much to complain about. :)
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: M. Ward, "Magic Trick"
(Title inspired by the ever-eloquent New York, professional reality TV star and ruler of all she surveys.)
Ah, trashy VH1 reality shows. How would my sister survive without them? What's the state of American television? Are we the New Rome?* Will Flava Flav ever find love?

*The answer is, by the way, "no", regardless of Pat Buchanan's belief that the Mexicans are the new Visigoths. Personally, I find the desire to work for a living far less threatening than the desire to rape and pillage, but I'm not on TV.

I only like Project Runway and maybe sometimes America's Next Top Model. And that's 100% pure class. Ms. J wears very conservative sweaters, after all, and Tyra Banks, in a remarkable show of restraint and discretion, has yet to unhinge her jaws and swallow any of the models. And Project Runway has Tim Gunn, who is the classiest person ever to walk the planet and blesses us all with his silver-haired grace. So there.

Also, Anderson Cooper. What is his mysterious but obvious relationship to the magnificent Tim Gunn? Younger, emo-er clone? Secret love-child? Soul-mate? This is a matter of pressing importance.

Anyway, I'm pleasantly lonely, pensive, and, luckily, in one of the non-emo segments of my day. So here are some disorganized and incoherent musings.

1. Even if it was in her will, it is still really, deeply wierd having the body of an ex-principal in the school's audiotorium.
2. Lake Brantley's campus makes me feel a little Marxist. This deeply shames me, because, as we all learn in Eissler's class, Communism is for idiots.
3. I probably should stop talking to my ex-boyfriend about how bad I feel because he's my ex-boyfriend, especially at lunch.
4. I am stupid for not realizing that earlier.
5. Especially when I kept walking into Langfield's class crying.
6. I often feel like no one will ever love me again, and know that's normal, which is pretty damn sick, if you ask me. We are a profoundly stupid species, me being an excellent example.
7. My mom has given ne a print-out of eHarmony's checklist for qualities you must have/can't stand in a BF so I'll "have a better idea of what I want". That was sweet of her, but it's not exactly as though people are lining up and I need a screening process.
8. I think I've managed to depress myself again. I'm getting good at it.
9. Okay, happy thought to end this. Amier and I reintroduced Mrs. Morgan to xkcd. She is utterly worthy to witness its brilliance.
10. http://xkcd.com/c235.html. Mouse over:"It's easy to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didn't have."
Someone understands, and, appropriately enough, I was too shy to email him and tell him so.
Current Location: Home, reluctantly
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Pandora radio, based on "God's Gonna Cut You Down"
10 March 2007 @ 11:07 pm
In Puerto Rico with little sister, staying with my aunt's family. (:
It's lovely.
Me being literary. TL;DR all the way, folks. Don't say I didn't warn you. Loneliness makes me a little too eager to express myself.Collapse )

Tommorrow we're going to the beach! X3 I'm having a really great time, though in the idle parts I've been a little lonely (little sister hangs out with our cousin around her age; I'm a bit too shy around aunt&uncle still, so I mostly read) especially since I'm restricted, thanks to roaming charges, only 1 call every other day to Marco. I want to tell him everything, and for him to do the same. (It's strange to me how I can miss him without being miserable or anxious. Strange, new, and wonderful.)
But tommorrow's that every other day, and I have lots to say. <3
Anyway, if you want to talk to me this week, I can always correspond through LJ/Gaia Mail/Myspace, so leave me a note here if you want to talk. I'd be very happy if you did!
Current Location: Guess.
Current Mood: curiousdunno
08 January 2007 @ 06:06 pm
The Ms. Bonjione community.
I don't know if Amier was joking, but I like the idea.
What would it be called?
bonjiogaaaa? bonjionekun? arabsofcrete? thebrideofdomokun? gdmcdonaldslady? islamicspeakersfederation?
Suggestions, please.
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
05 November 2006 @ 02:55 pm
I, at least, had a great time at the anime club Halloween party last night, despite the copious amounts of angsty nonsensical (at least from what little I know about what was going on) drama-from-hell. And Philip using me as a human shield, throwing me at Amier, and then dripping soda on me. D< The last part was accidental, but still. (Fear the rage of Kit! 5'0" and 95 lbs of pure ANGER!) I was collateral damage in his (successful, in the end) attempt to get the airsoft gun away from Amier. ; ;
So basically the party was total anarchy, in a good way. It was quite an accomplishment, given the small number of people who showed up. I'm proud of us.

Oh, and happy Guy Fawkes Day!
Go abuse effigies of Catholics.
Or speak in alliteration and overthrow the government. Whatever works.
Current Mood: happyshinyglowyhappy
20 October 2006 @ 11:51 pm
I finally joined the MySpace horde.
Add me, for I am currently losing at the internet. ):
Current Mood: crushedunclean
Since I haven't updated in, oh, six bajillion years or thereabouts, and I don't want to make my chem cheat sheet at the moment... I'm updating! Woo. So, um, I've been sorta emo, on and off, minute by minute, bla bla bla bla... but now, at least today and most of last weekend, I think I'm at a sort of secure, solid state. I have my footing. The same feelings are there, but now I know where I stand now. I'm not drowning in angst or free-falling with hope. I don't know how long this feeling will last, but it's nice. So, um, yes. Yay. I finally can stop feeling guilty for being all mopey and bugging everyone with my emo spasms.

Since I have no earth-shattering revelations or particularly interesting things to say, please direct your eyes to the video below.

^This one right here.

See it? Good. That box, right there, is full of freedom.


Mech-stomping, engrish-speaking, evil-laughing, tea-drinking freedom. And you love freedom, don't you? Freedom fries. Freedom toast. Freedom kissing. So you better click that play button. You wouldn't want anyone to think you didn't like freedom, would you?

I wouldn't.

I really wouldn't.

At least go to the 3 minute mark, or thereabouts, and watch the "DNN" news report. It's totally worth it.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: The Flaming Lips, "Up Above the Daily Hum"
04 September 2006 @ 11:54 am
Nnn. Edited my last entry, 'cause it was stupid and too long, and I figured that no one's going to buy the I'm-not-emo-really-so-stop-asking thing if I lay it on THAT thick.

Plus, it was sort of a lie anyway. I did have a lot of fun on Saturday, and a bunch of other times recently (like at Sixto&Meli's house last weekend), but yeah, I have been unhappy lately (though not most of the time; the sadness just ambushes me sometimes, and before I know it I'm sitting on the sidewalk during lunch, feeling like I'm going to cry and being pissed at myself for being so immature). In a nutshell, I'm being irrational, self-centered, selfish, and teenaged, so there's nothing to worry about. I'll get over it, hopefully soon. I feel so embarassed when I see people look concerned on my behalf over something I know is so petty. Thanks to everyone for being so sweet!

BTW: I'm sneezing impressively and running a fever, so I won't be at school tommorrow, if only because I don't have the energy to do my homework right now. Ha ha.
ALSO BTW: My internet window "encounters a problem" almost every time I open my friends page. Does anyone else have this problem, or does my comp hate me especially?
Current Mood: sicksick
03 September 2006 @ 09:36 pm
Yesterday (Saturday) was probably the best day of the school year so far. *heart*

It was indescribably nice to feel like I was an actual accepted (even, shock, LIKED) member of a group. When I got home, I realized that I probably would have been terrified by the idea of what happened 24 hours before (a day out? With PEOPLE? Some of whom I DON'T KNOW THAT WELL?!). But I didn't wilt/melt/explode from terror, and, though I know it's kinda stupid and really lame, I'm proud of me.

Also, I feel like I owe this thing a cheerful post since I've been neglecting it lately. (And I want to prove to everyone that I have not been in constant state of emo, really. So please don't ask. It's sorta embarrassing.)

*Or so my mom claims. I just chose those most irrelevant thing I could think of, because I'm getting tired of using random song lyrics.
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: "The New Pollution", Beck
28 August 2006 @ 03:48 pm
Pessimists are always either right or pleasantly surprised.
Current Mood: listlesslistless